Hetalia English Dub Transcript: Paint it White (3)

Warning: Tony's in this part, so there's cursing.  However, there's absolutely no context to it, so I don't think it needs a mature content label.

~*~*~*( = ヮ = )೨ Ve~*~*~*~

Birds: Tweet tweet tweet tweet!

Liechtenstein: Hey big bruder…?  I’m happy.  I thought you should know.

Switzerland: Ok.  Yeah, whatever.

[Barrier of permanent neutrality]

Italy: Hetalia!

(From Episode 7)

America: (talking with food in his mouth, but this is what it sounds like) Ok, we’re so afraid of the Axis (nom) and so agreeing everyone (nom) I think it’s the one who’s secretly in love with Britain and (nom) and though he’s SECRETLY IN LOOOVE WITH BRITAIN haha (nom) I cannot see around it; I did nothing!

[“Munch, munch”]

England: I can’t understand a single word you’re saying!  Would you please just stop eating!

America: My vocabulary can be intimidating.
(England: Ah…)

America: I’ll stop eating this absurd pile of hamburgers so you can focus better.

America: (sluuuuurp) Axis (sluuuuurp) bad guys (sluuuuurp) Allies (sluuuuurp) good guys…

[“Slurp”]

America: Ah… and the hero is me!!

England: Oh, shut it!!

America: Hetalia!

(From Episode 29)

[A certain day of a certain month
Above the Russian border]

Russia: Ok.  So all I have to do is jump out of this plane and attack them, right?

China: That’s right.  Put on your parachute now.

Russia: Don’t be silly; there’s plenty of snow on the ground!  It’ll break my fall because it’s soft!

China: What?!  I don’t think that’s right!

Russia: I’m Russian!   I know everything about snow!  Well… see ya around!
VODKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

[Newspaper]

France: Hey… see this?  It says Russia broke his back jumping from a plane without a parachute!

[WHY DID RUSSIA DIVE?]

England: Nn… oh yeah?—hey, why don’t you go surrender to the maid or invent some new cheese?!  Why are you here?!

France: Because.  I like to mess with your needlework.

Russia: Hetalia!

(From Episode 13)

Germany: Count off!

Italy: Just me!

Germany: It’s time to start our training!  We will begin with the proper way to treat your subordinates.

Italy: Sieg heil!  I mean… yes, sir!

Germany: Sehr gut.  First, remember that other people are humans!  You have to treat them with both kindness and respect!

Italy: With kindness!  Right, Pookie?

Germany: But sometimes with discipline!

Italy: Discipline!  Got it!  Naughty Pookie naughty naughty naughty Pookie Pookie sweetie naughty naughty~!
Ah, that really hurts!  Help me, Germany!  He’s attacking me!  Make it stop!!  Oh, it hurts so bad!

Germany: What is your problem, Italy?!
(Italy: Why are you doing this to me?!  What did I do to you?!  Ah!)

Italy: Remember the catnip I gave you?  Why are you hurting me with your little tonguey?!

(From Episode 19)

Germany: Count off!

Italy: Uno~!

Japan: 二. (Ni)

Germany: Alright!  You’ve made it half way!  So it’s time to test your training and see what you’re made of!

[Squadsman 1]

Italy: Yes sir!

Japan: Yes!

Germany: (steady running breathing)
Italy: (exhausted breathing)
Germany: (steady running breathing)
Italy: (exhausted breathing)
Germany: (steady running breathing)
Italy: (exhausted breathing)

Germany: Italy!  That pace is never going to cut it!  You are not going to lunch until you finish your laps!

Italy: (more steady but still exhausted running breathing)

Germany’s thoughts: Amazing.  It’s as if he’s solely motivated by food and the prospect of women.

Italy: Wha?  WAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Germany: Where are you going?!  It’s no time to skip out on training!!!!

Italy: Britain is going to get meeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Germany: Italy!  For crying out loud, you need to learn to run this fast when you’re NOT in retreat!

Japan: So it was proven true that Italian tank advance sixty mile a week!  But are somehow able to retreat at sixty mile a day when they see the British coming.

Cat: Meow!

Germany: We are done with our training for today!  Come back!!

Japan: Hetalia!

[United Nations Temporary Headquarters]

Germany: Scheiße… it looks like being turned into Pictonians is a fate we will all share now.

France: I will refuse to accept being as ugly as the rest of you.

England: Look on the bright side; at least you won’t smell like drunk cheese anymore.

Italy: Are you guys hungry at all??

America: Chill out; we’re not gonna let this get us down!  Dude, we’re gonna stand together whether we like it or not!  I don’t.

Russia: I agree!  I don’t like it.

China: That’s right!  We should fight together against them even if we hate it!  I hate it.

England: I hate it more.

France: Oui, je déteste.

Japan: No likey.  But we might as well listen to each other’s opinions.

Germany: Alright.  Raise your hand if you want to work together.  Now!

Japan, America, Russia, China, England: Nh…

Italy: Hm?  Hm… pasta!

Cat: Meow!

America: Check this out—a dose of originality!  We get a huge hero!  Who repels attacks with his deflector shield and beats the crap out of those lameos!

Hero: BACON!

[BACOOOON!]

Italy: In that case, I think Japan should do it!  I mean he’s got Evan-(beep), right?  And don’t forget about Gun-(beep)!

[Evanxxxx] [Gunxx]

Japan: But those are just anime…

China: If you’re talking anime, I can totally handle that!

Pixelated Copyright Infringement: Hamekameha!!!

Italy: You know, I feel like I’ve heard that before, but better.

Russia, America, Japan, England, France: Yeah… I do too.

China: It’s original Chinese idea!!

Germany: Ja dann.

Everyone Else: Hm?

Germany: Why don’t we all, I don’t know, try coming up with something realistic!

England: I was thinking the same thing!  My idea’s perfectly realistic!
Tada!  

(Séance circle yaaay!)

Everyone But England: Yeah.  We need something realistic.

England: You wankers don’t ignore me!!

Tony: Fucking!  Fucking!

America: Ah…!

(Tony: Fucking!  Fucking!)
France: Oh.  What a charming Alien.

(Tony: Fucking!  Fucking!)
America: He’s no alien!  Tony is my best friend!

(Tony: Fucking!  Fucking!)
England: That doesn’t mean he’s not an alien!

(Tony: Fucking!  Fucking!)
America: Dude, Tony!  What’s the scoop, brah?

Tony: Fucking bitch!  Bitch!

(Tony: Fucking!  Fucking!...)
America: That’s a trip!  Here’s the deal!  Tony said he got a totally top secret picture from the Bureau of Space Development.

England and France’s thoughts: How did he understand that?  All I heard was “fucking.”

Tony: (sluuuurp) Bitchy!

England: Oh come on, now; that is obviously photoshopped.

(China: Ah…)
America: Ahahahahahahahaha!  Sorry, man; that’s just Tony’s style.  Tony, quit busting our balls, dude; we’re trying to be serious here.

Tony: (nomnomnom)(sluuuuurp)(nom!)  Bitch fuck.

America: Seriously?!  You better be telling me the truth, dude!

Tony: Bitchy!

America: Rock out!  Thanks a buttload, Tony!

Japan: What is it?  What did your weird friend say?

America: Well luckily, he wastes a lot of time on the most popular porn and intergalactic message board, so he was able to track down the Pictonians’ research site.  Then he hacked into it; apparently their password is just “password.”

England: Oh.  Bravo for him being an alien, then.

America: Hey, he’s my friend!

France’s thoughts: Again… all I heard was “bitchy!”

Germany: Drrgh… I can’t read what it says at all!

America: Calm down, dude.  Tony!  Start the translation software thingy!

Tony: Fucking!

[Pict Star World]
[About] [Et Cetera] [Memo] [Links]
[Noppera~]
[Hello
This is Pict Star
This is a site that has independent studies.]
[Profile   (?)
Sex    (?)
Age   …… (this is just a profile page, I think)]
[(The part on the right is far too small for me to make out)]
[Here is an easy to understand video explanation.]

Narrator: This pure white planet is known as Picto.  Achieving what they believe to be the ultimate form, they have decided to pursue galaxy-wide perfection through a process that uses light to transform other beings into their uniform image, referred to as assimilation.  Sound familiar?  *cough* Borg!

China: That’s unforgivable!!

Narrator: According to nasty, nasty rumors, the kind known to almost always be accurate, the Pictonians decided upon Earth as their very first target due to its lack of technological advancement, as well as general intelligence.  I.e. they thought it would be easy.  And truthfully, the Earth could use a remedial class in pretty much everything.  It’s famous for social anxiety, violent outbursts, intolerance, self-mutilation, and pouting, which is the worst!  There are other additional issues, but I’d rather not get into them.  I don’t wanna bum you out.

France: Apparently our planet is passé.

Italy: Boo…

Russia: The boo is right.

Tony: Fucking?

Japan: What does he say now?

America: The more evolved the species, the more their faces look noppera-like.

Russia: Oh!  I have collection of evolving faces I’d like to show them!

Germany: Where are they weak?  They have to have weaknesses!

Tony: They do!

Everyone but Tony and America: Augghhhh?!?!?!??!

France: Why haven’t you been speaking English this whole time?!?!?

Tony: Because I don’t do dubs!  Ok… their weaknesses are…

Italy: Ah…
Germany: Rgh…
China: Ah…
France: U…
England: Nh…

Tony: Let’s see… hm…

[(Something about it being a place for everyone)
Café Spain
(The part on the top right is just some address, and the kanji is too small for me to make out some of them)
Store manager Spain
Instant]

Spain: Buenos!  This is el comercial for Café España!  We are around the corner from the cinema, so come have a coffee at my café, ok?  It’s just instant, but still!  For a limited time, I can give you a t-shirt for cheap!  Special price, just for you!

[“Shut up”
King.]
[Café Spain
Special T-Shirt]

Spain: Hetalia!

Translations
• Scheiße: Shit (German)
• Oui, je déteste: Yes, I hate (French)—he doesn’t say “it”
• Evanxxx: Neon Genesis Evangelion is a post-apocalyptic mecha anime.  It’s basically about a kid named Shinji who’s recruited by a shady organization to help protect the Earth against monsters.  It also has a movie, spin-off animes, and a manga, so it’s pretty big.
• Gunxx: Mobile Suit Gundam was an anime in 1979, which evolved into the modern Gundam franchise.  It’s in a lot of different kinds of media as well, and I’d call it the Japanese version of Transformers, but a Japanese man made Transformers too, so…
• Hamekameha: Kamehameha (Turtle Devastation Wave) is Goku’s signature move in the Dragonball series.  It’s also the first one to be introduced and the most widely used finishing attack.  China slightly changed it, because you know, copyright.  Although, that means the turtle wave of destruction may now mean the wave to destroy turtles or something.
• Ja dann: Alright then (German).  I feel like this isn’t what he’s saying, but it made the most sense.
• That’s a trip: I had to look this up, so I’m defining it.  Apparently, it used to refer to drugs, but now it means something that is surprising, and may be either good or bad.
• Bureau of Space Development: Not real, obviously, but there IS a State Space Development Bureau… in North Korea.  The UN Security Council suspects that its main purpose is to get around a ban on missile testing.
• Borg: I totally didn’t know this.  Apparently, Borg are reoccurring antagonists in Star Trek.  They’re like a bunch of species that have been turned robotic (aka forced into assimilation by the Borg) as they work towards “perfection.”  Kinda reminds me of the cybermen.
• Passé: No longer fashionable, out of date
• Buenos: Good (Spanish)—I assume it’s a shortened “Buenos días,” probably cutting out the “días” so that it doesn’t pertain to just one time of day.
• El comercial: The commercial (Spanish)
• España: Spain (Spanish)